It took my entire 20s for me to realize that I was an over-giver. The Over Giver syndrome was first mentioned by Elizabeth Gilbert author of ” Eat, Pray, Love”.
Over-Givers are people who try to do all that they can to save other people around them, may it be friends, family members or strangers and people they absolutely should not have anything to deal with but still try to save- because of course we have been trained to give until it hurts.
In my 20s, I thought that saving the world was sort of the first duty that I had to make. Naturally, joining protest rallies to save the trees, save the world or just about anything that needed Saving was my duty. While it is not bad at all, to help out the community, and volunteering is still the most rewarding and most effective way to network- it should be done only with caution and awareness otherwise your community efforts and even political beliefs and advocacies could just be you trying to voice out your pain and struggles in the world- A lot of people enter volunteer and community work, with the belief that they are saving the world, only to realize in the end that they are the ones who are wounded and their own soul is the one that needs saving- but how many ever get to realize that they themselves are the patients and that their own mind is their own enemy.
Many people become over-givers because the truth is we still don’t know who we are, and we join groups, we take friends and lovers in the hopes of finding a cure to this internal pain inside of us- but somehow we become puzzled. I volunteered my time with a lot of groups and causes in my early teens and in my 20s and while all of these activities led me to get to know more people- I don’t think that what I am truly worried about was cured in this process- in the end the people in pain and the societal ills that I encountered was just a mere reflection of myself. The reason why nothing really ever changes in any political or environmental cause we are embarking ourselves on and the reason why there are endless problems cropping up no matter how good our intentions are in any group- is because they are just reminders of the real problem, the deeper problem that all of us humans have forgotten to heal- and that is ourselves.
I am already 31 years old, and with the realization that I am an Over-Giver who tends to give everything even at the risk of my own time and career- I finally decided to stop over-giving and to finally cultivate my own soul and life. This means, that I am now seeking ways to truly love and help myself. Because in the end, it is only joy- real transformative joy that helps others- it means that in order to truly help other people and to become a transformative person I have to first heal myself and value myself –
When I value myself, my time, my priorities, my life goals, my emotions, my finances, my emotional being I become a better person. Only healed person can contribute something that is truly needed by the Universe and not the other way around. A sick person, who needs surgery cannot possibly perform another surgery on another person. A person who is not a doctor, not equipped with the right information and knowledge should not in any circumstance stretch out their hand and perform surgery on others, otherwise, the results would be fatal. Both individuals in the relationship could end up getting mortally wounded- and in even more pain after the interaction- Giving is an Act that you only perform if you are aware- and never in a state of rush and lack of awareness and deeper understanding.
How Does one Truly Love Oneself?
This is the question now when we say we love ourselves how do we do it? We can live a thousand lives and never get to this point of self-reflection and assessment, but we need to- How does one really achieve the process of living a life where we truly love ourselves? Who We are as part of the Creation, of the Universe? Of the mind that was given to us. A lot of people kill themselves over depression- after finding out that no material wealth can cure this hole inside of them, no amount of fame, friendships, and even family interactions can fulfill this gap inside- this is because Love for Oneself is a long journey of trying to really remember who we are- and understanding that our own self-movement and involvement is not separated from the One who Created us. When we say Love ourself- it also means going deep into a discovery of who made us- the Higher Power, The Holy Spirit- The God Force that is Inside of Us waiting to be connected to and revealed–